Welcome Home Beckham!!

I was so excited when I heard that David Beckham, the world's most popular sports figure, was gonna play for the MLS. When I went to work the next day I was telling everyone and they're like, "David who?" which shocked the shit out of me. "David Beckham, the soccer superstar!" "Sock what? What the hell are you talking about. Have you been drinking again? What have I told you about that?" No one knew who the hell this guy is, so I mention that he's married to one of the Spice Girls, "Oh I remember the Spice Girls, they sucked," and that pretty much was the extent of the conversation. Pretty lame, schmucks don't even know who David Beckham. So take like Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordan and put them together to make like a super sports celebrity kinda guy, I guess, and that dude would be like 10 times as not popular as David Beckham, if that even makes any damn sense. I dunno. The guy's famous damnit!

And he's rich as hell too. He signed a deal that could potentially be worth $250 million over five years including his salary, endorsements and a bunch of other crap. You realize how much $250 million is? I could whip out my weewee and slap Cameron Diaz in the face and people would be like, "well I guess it's OK, he's got $250 million. He can do that." That's what I call F*ck You money because you can kick some guy in the balls and take a dump in his wife's mouth while telling them to go f*ck themselves, in German, and nothing would happen because you have $250 million. That's insane! And I'm not even talking about a normal dookie, I'm talking about you just ate a giant ice cream sundae and washed it down with Prune Juice mixed with Pepto Bismol kind of dookie, in his wife's mouth and this went on way too far than I planned. That was pretty nasty.

So anyways, back to David Beckham. The story is that more European superstars are on their way, like Ronaldo. So now the MLS is gonna have an influx of out of shape soccer players who can't hack it in European soccer anymore but I care zero because that's a lot better than what MLS currently has. Pretty sad, but I really want an excuse to go to Gillette Stadium during the Pats offseason.