Last Man Standing

by: Peter DaSilva

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST! Many of you have heard this phrase over and over again. Most of the men here have actually found out first hand as to how true this statement is. No one can figure it out, many of us have had futile attempts at trying to prove this theory wrong. We did all we could do, only to be left alone, kind of disturbed at the fact that you did everything you thought you were suppose to do, and yet the female still left you out in the cold. In theory all women want the NICE GUY, but in practice they all settle for the ASSHOLE...case and point.

***You know what time it is***

1. NICE GUY: Writes you a poem about how he feels, tells you how much you mean to him, you turn around and start ignoring him because you feel as though he’s getting too attached.
ASSHOLE: Sends you a text at 2:30am talking about he’s wondering what kind of thong you’re wearing, you answer back, 4 texts later he’s picking you up, 30 minutes later he’s driving you back home. Only then do you realize that you’re just the jump off and that you really should find someone else.

2. NICE GUY: Invites you out to eat, he holds the door for you, pulls the chair out, takes you on a romantic walk thru the park. Even tries to get a kiss before the night is over...you obviously start thinking he’s soft at this point. You start telling your girls he’s too attached.
ASSHOLE: Brings you back to his place, orders a pizza and wings, puts in a romantic comedy (you’ve barely finished seeing it), you GET IT IN, he finishes, fires up a blizz, turns on the PS3, and asks you if you’re girlfriend can come pick you up???

3. NICE GUY: Comes back from a trip and had the great intention of getting you a memento that he was thinking of you. You don’t really like the sand design of your name, and you really could care less that he was trying to get you something with sentimental value. You chuck it in the corner of the room.
ASSHOLE: Came back from a vacation with his boys, he doesn’t tell you about the trip, but every time his friends are around, they start talking about Miami...but he’s hush hush on the subject...You look thru his digital camera and find a lot of pictures you wish you didn’t look for.

4. NICE GUY: Invites you over to his house for a nice romantic dinner, he tries his hardest to replicate the dish you ordered that first night you guys went out. He was almost dead on, but you weren’t feeling it too much. Dinner’s done, you skip the movie, and call your homegirl to come pick you up.
ASSHOLE: Fixes himself a nice sandwich, sits down on the couch, only to then realize that you were hungry, instead of offering you half, he tells you that all the stuff for the sandwich is in the fridge, and the bread is in the third cabinet right of the sink.

5. NICE GUY: Was introduced to you by a mutual friend who speaks very highly of him.
ASSHOLE: Used to date someone you really didn’t think deserved him. So out of spite and envy you decided to give him your number.

6. NICE GUY: Will tell you what he feels, without any shame.
ASSHOLE: Thinks your psycho the minute you want to discuss the direction of the relationship.

7. NICE GUY: Will meet your family and friends and everyone will like him.
ASSHOLE: Doesn’t care to meet anyone, he doesn’t even want to be seen with you in public.

8. NICE GUY: Sends you messages about how interested he is in you, and that you’re someone he would like to get to know better.
ASSHOLE: Will leave a picture comment talking about how sexy you look in the pic, wait for you to sign on, and then proceed to tell you how much he undresses you with his eyes

9. NICE GUY: Tells you that he can see you guys having a future.
ASSHOLE: Tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants.

10. NICE GUY: Will take his time to get to know you.
ASSHOLE: Doesn’t remember your last name.

11. NICE GUY: Invites you into his home, and tells you stay as long as you need too, just so you can get your things together.
ASSHOLE: He lives with his parents, so there’s no place for you to go.

12. NICE GUY: Doesn’t want to build a relationship strictly on sex, so he doesn’t jump on you like a jack rabbit every chance he gets.
ASSHOLE: He only wants TO GET IT IN, and the rest of the stuff...spare the details.

13. NICE GUY: Will tell you how he feels about you without any hesitation. He knows he could eventually get ignored and worst yet denied. But he tells you.
ASSHOLE: Will wait for the perfect moment of vulnerability to try and come up and get some from you, just to tell you it was a mistake....that somehow keeps on repeating itself every weekend after 2am.

14. NICE GUY: Will kick it with you until the wee hours of the morning and not expect anything.
ASSHOLE: Well he’ll try to keep his composure, but after a few hours he’ll bail, and you probably won’t hear from him again.

15. NICE GUY: Has a Career.
ASSHOLE: Has worked at some point.

16. NICE GUY: Isn’t seeing anyone else.
ASSHOLE: He’s got a few women he see’s on the regs.

Most of the females are probably saying, well I haven’t met a nice guy. This could be true, you see NICE GUYºS are extinct. You see half our lives we’ve been told to be nice, and usually we get burnt in the process, because as you lady’s put it..."He’s just too nice!!" which doesn’t make any sense. Why ask for something then turn around and run from it? We learned what not to do, so we just go with what works, ASSHOLE it is. Cause no matter how much we try, you guys don’t help the cause. It’s always a one sided affair. We can’t give you what you want, when you yourself aren’t capable or ready to accept it. So the next time you have a question as to why you’re relationships are rocky, you might want to re-evaluate your inability to spot a good thing from a bad one.