The Love Scapegoat

Yeah I know love is blind. Everyone says it, not too many people understand what it means. Since I’ve never been in love does that automatically discount my opinions and advice about it? Do I have to be in love to understand? I see love as being illogically logical and logically illogical, meaning you may not understand why love makes sense and at the same time you understand why love doesn’t make any sense. I’ve been single for God knows how long but I’ve had my share of experiences with women and I’ve lived vicariously through some of my friends’ relationships and heartbreaks. I don’t consider myself a relationship expert by any means and my opinion is just that…an opinion. Caveat Emptor. But in the same token, those individuals who have been in relationships for as long as they can remember, and I’m referring mostly to the girls, are not necessarily relationship experts either.

If you have always been “spoken for” and never had a long stretches of being single, how valid is your opinion of relationships when you’ve only seen one side of it? Same goes for myself and my situation, but I’ve already stated that I’m no Dr. Phil. But they don’t come to me for advice for no apparent reason. Maybe it’s because I actually listen or that my advice means something to them. Who knows? I don’t think it matters and the fact remains I still get the “Nelson, what should I do?” questions.

I look at relationships in the most logical way possible, break it down to the simplest of pieces. Yeah love isn’t logical and can make you do the darnedest of things, but too many people use love as an scapegoat in overshadowing their own internal conflicts. I see girls with assholes for boyfriends, guys who absolutely treat them like shit, unfaithful bastards who question their every action. You ask this poor soul why she continues on with this emotionally abusive relationship and she gives you a copout bullshit answer “because I love him.” Meanwhile deep down inside she refuses to confront her fear of being alone and since she’s already invested so much emotionally and physically she decides to put up with him and his outlandish behavior claiming she can change him. I find it absolutely ludicrous how we thrive to change others when we are usually the one who needs the changing.

Ladies, please do yourselves a favor and assess your situation. Any man who cheats on his girlfriend, understand that it’s a conscious decision. You don’t accidentally cheat on someone, there’s always intention, and yet all it takes to amend heartache is a couple I’m Sorrys and a few I Love Yous. It’s like a kiss on the booboo. And she still claims that he’s the one? Give me a break! “Oh he still loves me.” He loves you so much he shares his love with homegirl down the street. “We worked it out.” What the hell does that mean? How do you work that out? That’s like a slap on the wrist, go in timeout, all is well. Anyone who treats you like shit is shit. That’s not love so don’t give me that “he beats me because he loves me” story.

Quite frankly I have no respect for people who put up with bullshit like this. I’ll keep it real. Not all relationships are meant to be. Your current partner might be the one for you, your soul mate or may be just a test on your character. Who knows? Endure it if you must because you’ll learn a lot about yourself but understand also that you are still young and Mr. or Miss Right is probably waiting for you at the bus stop. You deserve the best person out there, remember that. Contrary to popular belief not all guys are dogs and assholes. There are nice guys waiting for you to give them a chance.